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Thursday, January 31, 2013

How to Kill a Lion !!! The Banking Way

Banking Strategies
Proud to work in a bank !!!! check this out

Many people choose banking as their career option but a very less know how to tackle a situation so guys this is just a way a banking system frustrates you and so be aware of this and and move ahead towards a successful career.

Banking on the wrong bank

HSBC Method:

Hire a lion. Give him full rest & make him lazy,
Pay him more than his expectation, never ask him to do any work for six months,
after six months tell him that now you have to fulfill your yearly
target within six months otherwise u will be kicked out from the jungle.

Lion dies due to fear,
that if he loses this "lazy animals jungle", where he will go.

ICICI method:

Hire a lion.

Give him hell lot of work and pay him lower salary than his politically astute peers.
Restructure his job, position, boss, colleagues, designation, department, salary, location every 6 months.
Remove all lions above 40 from the organization by giving those VRS. If he kills 2 goats a day, give him target of killing 20 elephants a day, when there are just 10 elephants in the jungle.
Lion dies of exhaustion, overkill and restructuring.

HDFC method:

Hire a lion and ask him to meow like a cat.
Give him lots of ESOPs and grass to eat.

He will die eventually of hope and starvation.

Citibank method:

Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 90% he will lose the job.
Ask him to extract 60 kg meat out of a 40kg goat.

Lion dies of the strain.

ABN AMRO method:

Hire the lion.
Give him high impossible targets and expect a premature delivery of these targets.
If the targets are delivered, clap for him in a town hall and if not delivered humiliate him regularly.

Lion either dies of excitement or starts behaving like Tom Hanks in Terminal.

StanChart method:

Hire a lion; motivate him to outshine other lions in the jungle.
Load him with impractical targets and if he finds the prey, ensure jackals in the jungle snatch the prey and

the lion dies in oblivion......

Kotak method:

Hire a lion; load him with targets to focus on value instead of volume. Every quarter change the style and make his life miserable.
If he survives in the system reward him with a hefty bonus.

RBI Method:

Hire a lion and give him a 3000 page circular on how to kill a goat. Amend the circular at least three times a day.
Send him on inspection to the jungle, where he can threaten to cancel the hunting license of any fox, wolf, bear, jackal etc who have violated any provision of the 3000 page

Lion dies of boredom.

SBI Method:

Recruits a lion, gives him the power of mouse.
Lion dies of over expectation and no results.............

IDBI method:

Recruits a lion, Give him posting among cats.
People call him manager but he is actually a clerk.
Expect to work as allrounder.

Lion dies in frustration or escape to another jungle.

Deutsche Bank Method:

Hire a Lion. Tell him that you need to work most of the day ; half the night.
Also tell him that all the Lions in the jungle are doing it ; he shouldn't mind doing it. Tell him that the work he does would make him king, even though he would be paid like a pauper.
Change the look of the jungle twice in a year ; tell him there's a new challenge for him, although the animals  trees in the jungle remain the same (beats me.......what's the challenge).
Give the Lion some irrationally motivational talks ; tell him to wait till the grass turns blue in the jungle.
Lion dies waiting.

So best of Luck Guys!!!

Cheers !!!!!!


  1. unique articles, lions and banks. lion as economic constraints in the development of business, and bank conquer. wow ..., cool.

  2. I am no banker but I can relate. This is one unique blog :) I will ask my husband to read this, I hope he will have a change of heart. Cheers! ... and thank you :)

  3. Cool post! You are good at comparing! Clap Clap Clap!!!

    By Abinodh O.T from TechEra | The Era of Technology

  4. very informative article! really enjoyed reading it! Thanks!

  5. Cool post!! A different blog!!
    Liked it :)